Monday, June 24, 2013

The year I don't remember

My beautiful miracle turned "1" last weekend. I still cannot believe a whole year has passed since she arrived into the world. When I put her down to sleep the night of her birthday, I couldn't help but remember that night a year ago when I first held her in my arms. Screaming, experiencing this cold world for the first time. One year later, she is calm, peaceful in my arms clutching her blanket and staring at me.

My first few weeks with her were not the easiest, as it isn't with any new mom. Physically, I was feeling much better than I did after I had Kelsi, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually I was falling apart. Honestly, it was the loneliest, darkest, scariest place that I had ever been. I remember every day just wanting to take June and run away...where? I don't know...I just wanted to leave. As the weeks and months moved on, I tried to get back into my "normal" life. Exercising, time with my husband, my new family, my girl time, callings at church. I felt like I was putting on the best show of my life. I can't explain it in words, but I felt as if I was always having an out of body experience. Physically there with my friends, smiling and laughing at the right times - but something was wrong. I became a mother to my oldest that I am ashamed of. I reached out a time or two to a few close friends nearby, but I would never dare to confess to them where I was or where I felt I was heading. Until, one night I talked to a friend and realized I really needed help. I swallowed my pride and got help and I wish that I would have done that 6 months prior. I started to feel normal again, at least my "new normal". I shed the past and moved on to embrace the present. I can really only remember in detail things that happened 5 months ago to present. I do remember my baby growing way too fast. And now here she is...a year old and not stopping!

I am so thankful for her sweet cheeks, constant chatter, chubby legs, crazy hair, crooked smile and those little dimples. She reminds me of my purpose in life, of how selfish I have been, but how far I have come. I am thankful for her constant reminder to slow down and enjoy the present. I love you little June Bug!

Father's Day

We spaced it and didn't take any pictures on Father's Day. I just wanted to take a moment to say how blessed I am to have married a man that is such a good father. Our daughters love their daddy to pieces. No one can make them laugh harder than he can. Kelsi was very excited about Father's Day and made sure SHE got to sit by Daddy at church and help him eat his birthday trifle (which she helped to make). Nothing makes me fall in love more with John than when I see him playing, cuddling, reading to (etc) our girls.

June also took her first steps on Father's Day. A total of 6. Only a week later, we can't count how many steps she takes because she is all over the place. It was a great gift for her Daddy.

I wish that I could spend Father's Day with my Dad one of these days. I only wish the people that I know now could understand what an awesome man he is. He is a solid rock in my mind of someone who has a firm knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ. He is selfless in her service to others, he works hard to provide and he loves my mom. I know that he is always there for me with a very long answer to any question I have.(ha!) He also always seems to answer questions that I didn't even know I had. I am aware of how blessed I am.

School is out for the summer. Kelsi had a wonderful year of preschool. Her teacher sent some additional pictures throughout the year, so I thought I would share.

 Kelsi leading the pledge of allegience.

 Her class helped hatch a bunch of baby chicks. Most of them were black, with only a couple yellow.

 Kelsi is very creative. She loved doing art work in school.

 Her class went on several field trips during the school year and had a great time.

 This picture makes me sad. This was the first day of school. I can't believe how old Kelsi looks now compared to this picture. Time has FLOWN.
One of the things that I have noticed about Kelsi is that she is loved by others where ever she goes. Any time I would go to the school, or volunteer on the field trip, SO many kids would want to come say "Hi" to her. She seemed to know everyone and I am so glad that she makes friends so easily.