Tuesday, November 04, 2008


Hi Its me John!!!I've taken control for the moment! Karinas' posts are all part of a cover-up to conceal what really goes on in our home. Well now I've commandeered this ride so hold on.... This may be my only chance before Karina gets ahold of this and changes the password so I won't have access anymore. So let me plead my case now. I'll tell you how it really is in our household. Karina has a list of chores for me to do every day, in addition to my full-time job. Some include chop wood, paint the walls a different color each week, scrub the ceilings, etc. Once, I had to sweep the chimney, when I couldn't find our chimney, because we don't have one, she said I was being sassy and she cut off my access to the cupboards and fridge for one whole week. Fortunately, she forgot about the dog food in the garage, he he he.


Aside from doing rediculous chores, I have to always keep my trophy husband persona up to par. O.K., I know its not much of a stretch cause I've been blessed with a body that would rival brad pitt's. However, to keep up such stringent requirements I am forced to exercise silently all night in the dark while Karina sleeps. On good days she is a little nicer to me. Last year on my birthday, she let me sleep on the dog pillow in the kitchen, after I sung her to sleep with a lullaby of coarse. Its much more than taking control, she has put limits on my access to Kelsi. I have to keep a three yard safety radius between myself and my daughter at all times, except to change diapers. Karina says, its to prevent spreading wicked thoughts and ideas to her daughter. She remindes me that without her purity to balance me, I wouldn't be worthy to go to any church.


You are probably getting the picture. I'm not asking for much, just that you remember me and don't take your loved ones for grantid. Oh, also this comming nov. 12th is my birthday. And if you could find a little generosity in your cozy lives to give a little to the less fortunate then I've done my job and I can die happy. Any donations to the "JOHN APPRECIATION FUND" would be well received. Donations must be sent via unmarked packages addressed in the following manner: "Boring optometry license renewal information for John"as to not raise any suspicion from "you know who." Thank you for your time, I must go finish scraping barnacles off the porch before Karina comes home...


7 comments:

Karina & John Calderwood said...

well, well, well...looks like someone got out of his cage....

Kelley and Jeremy said...

Ha!!!!! This is hilarious! Thanks for a wonderful laugh. I'm sure every bit of this is true, right Karina?! :)

Rob &Linder said...

John,
I can believe how controling Karina can be. I do have a problem with the "trophy husband" part. I mean I am sure she doesn't want to keep you on a dusty shelf.
I would send a great gift but have been instructed by you know who that I can only send a birthday card nothing more.
Please don't worryabout working out. I think you miss understood Karina. She told us that your Body is nothing to "Brag"about and is the"Pitts". Not Brad Pitt.
Keep up the good work at trying to be the #1 son-in-law

Porter Family said...

ha ha ha. Thanks for the laugh. I have some great ibuprofen I'll send you for those hard working days when your back breaks.

Kristi said...

She disguises WELL!! I thought she was all right...but about that trophy phyisque...maybe you need to put in a few more late nites!! ha ha ha and oh...do you rent out?

Que Onda Clines said...

poor john. it must be hard. we've got to keep those men in line though.

Steven & Jolisa Grimmer said...

Very creative, made for a good laugh!! Nov. 12th is a great day for a birthday- hope it's a good one!!!!